THE ART OF LETTING GO: HOW TO LET GO OF ATTACHMENT WITH EASE (PRACTICAL MANUAL)
Natalya Pazdnikova's Guide on How To Let Go of Attachment
What Is The Art of Letting Go? How Do You Let Go of Attachment?
Letting go is a conscious intentional, mental action. It isn’t something that should be allowed to happen by leaving it up to life. Sometimes it is true that passing time makes it easier to live with something that we find hard to let go of. This is not always the case and it often happens that when we eventually get into the same painful scenarios multiply times, then we finally work through a pattern completely. Breaking unpleasant life patterns do not depend purely on our ability to let go of attachment but massively contribute to it.
LETTING GO is one of those crucial life skills that life will push you to develop again and again until you come to a place of non-attachment, personal connection to source and constant living in the present moment rather than living in the illusions we build in our heads. It is hard to imagine life without any attachments because if we are not dealing with substance addiction, we might not be able to imagine a life without that one person, or a mother that is so attached to her child finds it unbearable not to stress over the child’s life.
Although it can seem that life without any attachments is not possible, at the same time, we all know at least one person who is neither addicted to substances, attached to their partner and is fully at peace with his/her child's life decisions. Every unhealthy attachment is a form of neurosis covered up by “I can quit anytime”, “I just love them so much”, “I just care about my child" or any other lies we tell ourselves. We must learn how to let go of attachments and heal traumas that were built up over time. Learning how to let go is essential for growth and overall happiness.
Let Go of The Past and Move On
The core reason for every attachment is the SEPARATION FROM THE SELF that usually happens in childhood. Children are very psychically sensitive and fragile, and it is almost impossible living in a modern world not to traumatize a child at all. Every real or perceived neglect, abandonment, abuse or any traumatic experience for that matter results in the feeling of not being safe in this life experience. The more traumatized a person is, the larger the feeling of disconnection with self and the grander the need to substitute that craving for connection with something/someone external. Trying to fill that void with external world creates a trap that guarantees the fall, which can result in severe depression and anxiety that grows into panic attacks.
Unhealthy attachment is a wide spread issue and each person needs learn on how to let go and heal from the affects of their own personal traumas to reconnect to themselves. Traumas create the gap between your soul and your present moment awareness which that in itself creates the NEED for something to fulfill this gap. Growing anxiety makes us unknowingly go about it the wrong direction craving something that is external. For every person it plays out in a unique way in life, but eventually some things are similar like the feeling of emptiness we experience and ongoing pull towards something that is perceived to provide that fulfillment.
Learn How To Let Go By Listening To Your Inner Guidance
Any substitution for the true self-connectedness is a short term non-lasting solution that will be satisfying less and less over time. When we look outside for answers and salvation, we end up taking a long painful path that more often than not does not bring us what we need. On the contrary - looking inside, feeling the pain that shows up and sitting with it, making peace with the present moment, giving ourselves that feeling of safe home and developing a healthy unconditional connection with ourselves - IS THE REAL SALVATION for many human issues; not only attachment. So the process for letting go of attachment is not only to fight the urge for external fulfillment, but to tern the attention inward immediately when urge starts rising, feeling what needs to be felt and making peace with it right there. This process is not pleasant, but practicing it will save you a lot of time and unnecessary struggle.
Letting go becomes easier when at the same time we develop the ability to hear, trust, and fulfill our own needs, to stay present with ourselves without following the urge to run away into unhealthy distraction. To give ourselves the love, acknowledgment, understanding, support and encouragement that we need.
Read More on How To Listen To and Trust Your Inner Guidance.
So basically, we have to take attention away from that outside object into the here and now, being present with ourselves especially at most difficult moments - that is when YOU NEED YOU the most.
While you do that, go through the practical manual I developed below that contains a strategy on how to let go which simultaneously helps the process of COMING BACK to YOU.
Practical Manual on How To Let Go of Attachment
1. BE COMPLETELY CLEAR / HONEST WITH YOURSELF that you would be better off without __________.
Sometimes is hard to make this step, but the other steps are also difficult to accomplish... You are making it harder for yourself on top of life being hard enough. There are 2 types of pain: the one that comes with keep taking a wrong path hoping that things will change and the one that comes with dedication and commitment towards building ourself up. We have to be logical and analytical here!
When answering these questions, don’t think about the future and just express what you truly think and feel right here and now:
Does _________ weighs you down?
Do you know you will be happier if you didn’t hold onto ___________?
What good does ____________ gives you?
2. SET YOUR INTENTION to let go of attachments.
Intention is an action without an action. If you can’t follow through with all your newly set intentions the first time - don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you are failing. It just means that letting go is a PROCESS and isn’t a quick change. It is ok. Start over.
Intentions aren’t useless. They are really powerful even if you feel like you can’t trust yourself with following through.
Setting an intention is you honestly and powerfully stating to yourself that you want to let go of ___________.
3. SET SOME RULES for yourself and be mindful where you put your FOCUS.
Intensely focusing on letting go process can cause us to stuck with the desire to let go but without actually letting go. Law of attraction brings you more of what you are focusing on so actively focus on those things you are going to substitute your attachment with. Those things that makes you happier and healthier.
Don’t allow yourself to think the same old thoughts that will take you down the same old road again. Instead, try to distract yourself in ways that are pleasant and healthy. The art of letting go is about training yourself to get through setbacks. How would you distract a child that wants something that you can’t give to them? You take their attention elsewhere. How could you distract yourself? Is it your favorite hobby? Or meeting with a friend? Maybe watching a comedy? Is it a healthy activity like sports or some spiritual practices? Building relationship with yourself massively depend on things you do for your mental, physical and spiritual health. Choose JUST ONE single new activity that you will commit to, but you have to choose something that you enjoy.
So let's repeat the whole scenario: you feel the unhealthy urge and you don't follow it, instead you bring your attention inward, feel what's need to be felt, make peace with it, be fully present, give yourself validation/support/safety/understanding etc AND strengthen that re-connection with yourself by following the new pleasant healthy habit of your choice.
Setting and following your own rules is important for building self-trust, self-reliance and self-respect. This is where you learn how to let go with ease, when you can control your focus and attention. Mastering this skill means mastering your whole life!
4. This is the sweet step because here is where you START TO BELIEVE that you can!
This is the step where you start to feel control over yourself and your life again. Enjoy it, feel it fully, you did it yourself, be proud!
5. HERE, YOU FALL.
Because change is hard for us - humans are creatures of habit. Self sabotage is our inner resistance to change, your subconscious mind tries to prevent you from change. Your subconscious mind's only goal is to keep you alive, and as long as you are alive it wants to keep things as they are no matter if it's consciously irrational, makes no sense and only hurt's you. Your subconscious mind is your worst enemy until you befriend it completely, then it will work in accordance with your highest good. To become best friend with your subconscious you need to fill that gap we talked about with healthy relationship with yourself.
Simply start again. Learning how to let go is not easy. Everything is a process. Life is made of processes not results and the faster we understand that the easier every process in life will be and the faster the results will come. Look at this process as a spiral, it might seem like you go in circles but with enough dedication to break the pattern - every new circle will be an elevated step up.
Practice Self Love to Speed Up The Process of Letting Go
This cycle is actually not bad when compared to just leaving the letting go part up to life and waiting for a change to occur. At the end we save ourselves A LOT OF TIME with the healing process. What is better? A short term solution that prolongs the suffering? Or, a self imposed struggle that elevates you, saves you nerve cells and brings you years of a happy life? We train to practically love and care for ourselves and we also learn to have power over our mental focus and our focus is our main SUPER POWER as humans. We learn to make the right decisions, and in this process, we evolve.
When you learn to intentionally let go of something that is very hard for you to let go of, you build yourself up. It is an amazing opportunity to start believing in yourself. You learn to be your most reliable and trustworthy friend; you build stronger internal core you know you can always lean on instead of seeking that support and fulfillment externally. We need you to build home within yourself, that internal place of comfort that provides you with your every need. But first, you need to stop running away from your home within, it is safe there...
And from that place let your focus be on building new rather than letting go of the old. Law of attraction is still at work and sometimes an intense thought process that sound like "I have to let go of _______, or _______ makes me feel bad, something bad will happen if I don't let go of _______" makes it worse. Thoughts that you focus on bring you more of that what you focus on - and we don't want you to be stuck in the process of letting go for ever. The momentum of habit will keep pushing you towards the old, but will eventually weakens as you are focusing on creating something new at the freed space. This is simultaneous process: you let go and build up a higher version of yourself that eventually outgrows the old.
Remember, FOCUS is your main human SUPER POWER!
Needless to say, this explanation on how to let go of attachments should benefit you, but it isn’t a personal therapeutic approach where we are uncovering your personal and unique underlying reasons. It is more of a basic blueprint for you to do it yourself. I personally think that everyone needs a mentor. Healing, coaching and therapy isn’t just for the ill but for everyone. No amount of meditations, affirmations, reading books and articles, or exercising your willpower will be as effective as the life transformational work that I, as a Certified Psychologist and Spiritual Awakening Coach, can assist you with. Click on the picture below to learn more about what I do ⬇
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