TOUGH SELF-LOVE

WHY SELF-LOVE IS SO DIFFICULT AND HOW TO LOVE OURSELVES



Somewhere somehow in the past you felt unsafe to be yourself and the most self-loving thing you could do was to disconnect yourself, leave your body figuratively speaking, disassociate so that you won’t have to fully feel the pain that came from:


  • neglect of your emotional or physical needs

  • judgment

  • abandonment

  • feeling that you are not wanted and needed

  • shame

  • abuse


The list can go on.






Children are so extremely fragile, that we as a society are not nearly equipped enough mentally, emotionally and spiritually to raise them. Speaking globally, we still have wars going on and outside wars are representations of our inner wars. Statistical rates on divorces are only growing in numbers and this means that we are less able to handle interpersonal relationships. Same goes for mental health and suicidal rates which clearly identifies our inability to handle our own mental wellbeing.



Even if you grew up in a loving, understanding and caring environment it doesn’t guarantee you to have a healthy level of self-love. Children’s psyche is so delicate that even the most loving parent will somehow at some point traumatize it, not mentioning the society at large outside the family environment.



And yet, we didn’t come to this physical reality to experience only pure love and no struggles whatsoever. I wish it was that way, but we live in a world of contrasts and duality. Without experiencing some past hardships, you wouldn’t achieve something that is good in your life now. Good and bad comes together and all we can do on our personal level is to accept reality as is and instead of resisting, play along and make the most out of this life experience. Any traumatic experience, toxic relationship, identity crisis or any crisis for that matter could be something that eventually takes you on a new level. In the Japanese language “crisis” means opportunity and everything you go through right now can serve as a trampoline for achieving the state of mind and the quality of life that you want.



“Everything you want is on the other side of self-love”


The way we feel about ourselves and the way we treat ourselves determines our reality in a very direct way. It affects our romantic relationship and friendships, as well as how we welcome opportunities and new people, it affects our attraction power and the quality of our lives, it is basically affecting EVERYTHING in our lives.



Our internal reality reflects everything present in our present physical reality and not vice versa. Modern life is not easy; we are getting lost in the abundance of information, we are getting distracted by gadgets and social media, we are being torn apart by advertising companies for our attention, growing competition in the woks places is getting tougher, people are expected to multitask in every area of their lives. It all helps our anxiety levels to grow and the gap from that disconnection I talked about in the beginning will only widen.



So, our goal is to close the gap and come back to ourselves, come back to our bodies, come back to our own energy, come back home and nurture this inner environment so that we feel not only safe, but never wanting to leave again. Self-love is feeling good “in your own skin”. Self-love is the feeling of loving home. And especially if you didn’t grow up in a nurturing environment, it should be your first priority now to give that to yourself. Remember, we are not responsible for our traumas, but we are responsible for the healing part.



YOU DON’T NEED A REASON TO LOVE YOURSELF - YOU ARE THE REASON!


Love is all: love is words, love is actions, love is thoughts, love is energy.



Self-love is such a huge subject, self-love includes self-respect, self-trust, self-soothing, self-nurturing, self-encouraging, self-uplifting, self-care and so on.



Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.





Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.



Here is a list of examples on how you can practice self-love:

  • Spend time in nature

  • Having a proper sleep routine.

  • Meditation, breath work, mantras for your mental health.

  • Yoga, walking, swimming, tai-chi, gym.

  • Baths.

  • Journaling your thoughts.

  • Writing down your night dreams to build relationship with your subconscious.

  • Constantly reminding yourself to look around for thing to appreciate because that rises your level of appreciation for life.

  • Train yourself to notice and praise the things you like about yourself.

  • Play music, draw, build, create an art project.

  • When something makes you laugh - try to lean into that moment and laugh as much as you can.

  • Smile with no reason just by looking in the mirror, smile to the fact that you exist.

  • Take the power away from your negative thoughts, most of them have nothing to do with reality. Learn to navigate your mind towards thoughts that are pleasant. Water your mental garden, so that eventually it will feed you with fruits!

  • Get into a habit of drinking plenty of water.

  • Spend few minutes in the bed before you start your day, stretch, enjoy your slowly waking body and set intentions to feel good today.

  • Make some room for “me time” in your calendar and do something from this list.

  • Go to massage or massage yourself. Daily neck hygiene is important so maybe you can give yourself a neck and head massage daily, that will also stimulate your hair growth.

  • Spend time with your kind loving friend and don’t forget that hugs release happy hormones.

  • Get into a habit of breathing deeply especially in nature.

  • Listen to the type of music that brings positive feelings out of you.

  • Plan your meals ahead so that you make sure you eat right regularly.

  • Limit the use of your phone, be present more.

  • Practice mindfulness - be fully present with everything you do in a day.

  • Lessen all distractions in exchange of stable mental health.

  • Make sure that your health is in order, visit a doctor if you need.

  • Help someone in need, we help ourselves by helping others.

  • Stand up for yourself when you face injustice, this is a form of self-respect.

  • Get in a habit of posturing and carrying yourself with confidence.

  • Be stingy with your time and energy, valuing yourself means spending your inner resources mindfully.

  • Spend more quality times with kids and animals, they are a great teacher of self-love.

  • Make an appointment with a therapist, I might be just the right person for you. 💜


IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU IT IS TIME TO BE "SELFISH". IT IS TIME TO PUT FOCUS ON YOU