Letting go is a conscious intentional mental action. It isn’t something that should be allowed to happen by leaving it up to life. Sometimes it is true that passing time makes it easier to live with something that we find hard to let go of. This it is not always the case and it often happens when we eventually get into the same painful scenarios, then we finally work through a pattern completely. Breaking unpleasant life patterns do not depend on our ability to let go but massively contribute to it.

LETTING GO is one of those crucial life skills that life will push you to develop again and again until you come to a place of non-attachment, personal connection to source and constant living in out of the present moment rather than out of the illusions we build in our heads. It is hard to imagine life without any attachments because if we are not dealing with substance addiction, we might not be able to imagine a life without that one person, or a mother that is so attached to her child finds it unbearable not to stress over the child’s life.

Although it can seem that life without any attachments is not possible. At the same time, we all know at least one person who is not addicted to substances, attached to their partner or a mother who is fully at peace with her child's life decisions. Every unhealthy attachment is a form of neurosis covered up by “I can quit anytime”, “I just love them so much” and “I just care for my child”.

The core reason for every attachment is the SEPARATION FROM THE SELF that usually happens in childhood. Children are very psychically sensitive and fragile, and it is almost impossible living in a modern world not to traumatize a child at all. Every real or perceived neglect, abandonment, abuse or any traumatic experience for that matter results in the feeling of not being safe in this life experience. The more traumatized a person is, the larger the feeling of disconnection with the self and the grander the need to substitute that craving for connection with something external. Trying to fill that void with external world creates a trap that guarantees the fall, which can result in severe depression and anxiety grows into panic attacks.

Traumas create the gap between soul and present physical reality which that on itself creates the NEED for something external to fulfill this gap. For every person it plays out in a unique way in life, but eventually some things are similar like the feeling of emptiness we experience and ongoing pull towards something that is perceived to provide that fulfillment.

And yet, any substitution for the true self-connectedness is a short term non-lasting solution that will be satisfying less and less over time. When we look outside for answers and salvation, we end up taking a long painful path that more often than not does not bring us what we need. And looking inside, making peace with the present moment, giving ourselves that feeling of safety and developing a healthy unconditional connection with ourselves is the real salvation for many human issues; not only the attachment.

Letting go becomes easier when at the same time we develop the ability to hear and fulfill our own needs, to stay present with ourselves without following the urge to run away into unhealthy distraction. To give ourselves the love, acknowledgment, understanding, support and encouragement that we need.

So basically, we have to take attention away from that outside object into here and now, being present with ourselves. And while you do that, here is the strategy that simultaneously helps the process of COMING BACK to YOU:

So how to really let go?

1. Be COMPLETELY CLEAR/HONEST WITH YOURSELF that you would be better off without __________.

It is hard to make this step, but the other steps are also difficult to do as well! We have to be logical and analytical here!

When answering these questions, don’t think about the future and just express what you truly think and feel here and right now.

Does _________ weigh you down? Do you know you will be happier if you didn’t hold onto ___________? What good does ____________ give you?

2. SET YOUR INTENTION to let go and do this over and over again as you need to. Intention is an action without an action. If you can’t follow through with all your newly set intentions the first time. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you are failing. It just means that it is a PROCESS and isn’t a quick change. It is ok. Start again. You are training yourself to get through setbacks which is a good thing. Intentions aren’t useless. They are really powerful even if you feel like you can’t trust yourself with following through. Setting an intention is you honestly and powerfully stating to yourself that you want to let go of ___________.

3. Stay on track. SET SOME RULES for yourself and be mindful where you put your FOCUS. Don’t allow yourself to think the same old thoughts that will take you down the same old road again.

Instead try to distract yourself in ways that are pleasant and healthy. How would you distract a child that wants something that you can’t give to them? You take their attention elsewhere. How could you distract yourself? Is it your favorite hobby? meeting with a friend? watching a comedy? Choose a healthy activity like sports or some spiritual practices.

Setting and following your own rules is important for building self-trust, self-reliance and self-respect. This is where you learn to control your focus and attention. Mastering this skill means mastering your whole life.

4. This is the sweet step because here is where you START to actually BELIEVE that you can! This is the step where you start to feel control over yourself and your life again.

5. HERE YOU FALL. Because change is hard for us humans who are creatures of habit. Simply start again. Everything is a process. Life is made of processes not results and the faster we understand that the easier every process in life will be and the faster the results will come. Look at this process as spiral, it might seem like you go in circles but with enough dedication to break the pattern - every new circle will be an elevated step up.

This cycle is actually not bad when compared to just leaving the letting go part up to life and wait for a change. At the end we save ourselves A LOT OF TIME with the healing process. What is better: short term solution that prolongs the suffering, or self imposed struggle that elevates you and saves you nerve cells and years of happy life? We train ourself to practically love and care for ourselves and we also learn to have power over our mental focus and focus is our main human SUPER POWER. We learn to make the right decisions and in this process we evolve.

When you learn to intentionally let go of something that is very hard for you to let go of, you build yourself up. It is an amazing opportunity to start believing in yourself. You learn to be your most reliable and trustworthy friend; you build stronger internal core you know you can always lean on instead of seeking that support and fulfillment in that external thing or person you find it hard to let go of. We need you to build home within yourself, that internal place of comfort that provides with every need. And first you need to stop running away from your home within, it is safe there, stay...

Everything in life strives for balance, and the universe always tends to balance unbalanced areas. If you have done a lot of soul searching, self-discovery, or “shadow” work, but aren’t putting much effort into practicing your awareness in real day to day present reality then you will feel the need for it. Changing behavior, building something new out of acquired knowledge and experiences, pass it to others or anything else that would represent a change in physical reality.

Also, the same goes the opposite way.

If you are the kind of person who operates from a place of logic, practicality, or willpower, then you might on some level be feeling the need to go deeper within yourself. Go on and search the depths of your psyche for answers and refreshing new perspectives to further progress in life. If this is your situation, I might be a perfect assistant for you!

Needless to say, this explanation so far isn’t an in depth and personal therapeutic approach where we are uncovering your personal underlying reasons. It is more of a basic blueprint for you to do it yourself. This approach can be applied to just about anything in life whether it is the need for love or approval, fear of rejection or opinions of others, or trying to get rid of addiction or attachment to a person.